Her Smile: Confession

I just want to see you happy..

Be with you till my last breath…

I kept telling myself:

“Stop getting excited, you’re not the one she want!

She may talk to you a lot, but you’re not the one whose love she would grant..

Even if you love her a lot, even if she means the world to you..

She is someone who would never be yours, you know that, don’t you?”

I know that! I know that…

But why should it be wrong for me to dream?

I know.. I know she would never look at me in that way

But still, please! At least, let me imagine…

Today is Valentine’s day…

A day dedicated to expressing your love

Should… should I say it today?

“No! Please don’t!“, yelled out my brain.

“You will lose her forever, are you insane?”

‘Insane’, Huh?

Maybe I really have gone crazy…

Enough with all unrequited crap! I’m gonna stop being lazy!

It’s time to risk it, say it and initiate this call…

Either she will be mine,or I’ll lose her once and for all…

That night, I finally told her how I feel…

Everything that I kept bottled up inside me…

Every small detail of her that enchanted me…

I told her about my habit of listening to her voice in a loop…

Staring at her portrait for as long as I can look ..

I told her how she was the last person I wished ‘Good night’

And that she was the reason who brought into my dark world some light..

I just wanted her to know:

No matter what the world may think about her…

I’ll be by her side…

No matter how many bonds I have to sever…

I’ll choose to be with her, I’ll never hide..

She just stood there, dumbfounded, for some minutes, maybe ten?

I won’t blame her, I admit it was sudden..

My throat started to become dry, and my body sweaty…

Just hurry up and tell me what you think already!

When she finally spoke, I couldn’t help but giggle..

“Umm, really?” were her words..

Her face confused and hiding a dumb grin, as if she were solving a riddle..

Somehow, I wasn’t surprised at all..

That’s the kind of dummy I loved after all…

“Yes, idiot! I meant all of that”

I think I got more confident than I thought I would..

I had no idea if I should push further, maybe I should?

But as I was going to speak more, I was stopped by a little discomfort..

“What if she’s not happy? What if she’s actually hurt?”

Things got tensed, it wasn’t actually that easy..

She had her doubts too, as if she thought she wasn’t worthy..

“I’m not the one you think I am… I’m not that pretty

My voice sucks and to be honest, my thinking is shitty

Please think about it again, I’m just a waste

I’m a mess, someone who’s not the girl of your taste”

I knew she would say that, I expected it..

But I need to say something fast, before I ruin it…

I covered my face for a while, reminiscing everything we’ve gone through…

If I don’t tackle it right, she might turn back and say ‘Adieu’…

‘That’s it! I know what to say..’

I looked at her and smiled, trying to comfort her so that she doesn’t push herself away..

“Yeah, you’re not the best, maybe not that good in the first place..

You snore at night, snort while crying, to be honest you lack grace..

But why should that mean I should reconsider my feelings..

I have confessed to you because you’re the only one who can end my sufferings…

Sure, you’re not the best one, you know I don’t mean to hurt you, I guarantee..

That’s why you should know one thing: Your imperfections are what makes you perfect for me”

She hugged me tightly and looked up at me…

“I’ll be a huge pain, please bear with me~”

She gave off that smile of hers, the one I treasure so much…

I never knew that I could receive so much happiness from her loving touch..

No matter what her answer would’ve been for today….

Friend, Lover, Stranger; the bond wouldn’t have mattered anyway…

I just want to love her with all my heart…

That’s all it was on my part..

Until the day death and I meet..

Your smile is all I need..